Saturday, January 31
Posted by: ELLA ♥
Time: Saturday, January 31, 2009
Comments: 0
Celebrity Experience.
Last January 25, 2009 Mom and I together with her bestfriend, Tito Richard went to SOP, GMA channel 7. We have connection so we had a chance to have the VIP seats. :) The experience was great. Right after the show, We went to Michael V's house. Michael V is a cousin of Tito Richard. He's house was so beautiful! I fell in love and told my mom that I will give her a beautiful house someday. I didn't know that Bitoy is in to Photography.
On our way home, We saw Regine Velasquez and Ogie Alcasid outside their house. :)

For More Pictures.
Click Here.

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My Crush! Hindi ko alam name niya eh. / Mom and I at Capitol Hills.

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@ Michael V's beautiful House. He took the second picture.


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Superficial Life.

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Posted by: ELLA ♥
Time: Saturday, January 31, 2009
Comments: 0
Just a quick post.
Its near February and Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I think I have no DATE. Makes me wanna sing Single Ladies. Hahaha :) I do not want to receive a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates again this Feb14. I am sick and tired of receiving the same old thing every Feb14. I want something new and out of ordinary. A long rose stem or a big chubby bear would be great. Combine the two, I'll be in cloud nine in no time.

You are probably wondering why I am telling this to all of you, I am just sick and tired of the same old thing. and Ow, as I remember. I think Angelicum College, Our school will held a Valentine Concert this Feb13. I don't know how true is this.

As I was browsing the World wide web, I stumbled upon this great site.
I am now planning to celebrate my 17th Birthday in that place. That place is great! Perfect for my family and friends. What do you think? As I remember, My 14th birthday was also celebrated at a private resort. We rented the place and had fun all night. Now, I am planning to celebrate it in a private resort again. So friends, Ngayon pa lang magpaalam na kayo. :)


Call me KIMCHI because I am digging that name. Hahaha!
Thanks to IO Cruz. She calls me that name. It because of the Kimchi
my mom made that IO ate and tasted and it turned out good. :)

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Friday, January 30
Posted by: ELLA ♥
Time: Friday, January 30, 2009
Comments: 0
Shut up.
" A woman's heart
is a deep ocean of Secrets. "



I simply believe that there are things better left unsaid. I decided to not go into details anymore or for now. I am not going to elaborate my whole love story for now. I am not ready yet to blog about what is happening/happened to the three of us or so I say, I will keep this a secret for now but I will try my very best to clear things out. My mind and My heart are unwell. Need some time to think and to heal.

I have and I need to focus on the things that are also important.
My family, My studies, Myself and My own life.


I want to thank all the people who had helped me and supported me along this road:

To my ever loving Mom, Despite of being a bad girl, She understood me and still understanding me in every stupid mistakes and decisions I made and will make. Thanks to her undying support for She made me realize a lot of things about love and life.

To my forever friends, Kshatrias: John mark, Karen and Ria. Thanks to them because they made me strong and even stronger, without them I will surely be nothing.


and for all the people: Please respect my decision though I haven't really decided yet.


I will now continue to blog about random things, everything and anything except my love life.
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Saturday, January 17
Posted by: ELLA ♥
Time: Saturday, January 17, 2009
Comments: 0
Major change.
Hello! It has been weeks since I last updated my blog. I have so many things in mind so here I am now ranting and rambling about everything and anything AGAIN. As I said on my earlier post I underwent some circumstances that changed my life. I actually do not know how to start this but for the sake of clearing things up and to stop people from making stories and asking me what the hell happened I have to speak and tell them what went wrong in my almost perfect LOVE and LIFE.


The story goes around Me, my boyfriend, Charles and my best friend, Lloyd.
The two most important men in my life.
The Men I love the most.

This is only about what really happened on the three of us. What is currently happening to us is for my next entry. okay?

So here's how the story goes:

Once upon my life, Around November-December 2008, Charles and I are constantly having petty arguments.That moment, I couldn't understand him anymore. For some months, I stood with the fact that he has stolid attitude and that he isn't the showy type of guy but He was not the same Charles I loved so much. He changed. I thought to myself that maybe I just have to understand him, As his first girlfriend I MUST understand him. So that is what I did I understood him in every conflicts we had but to tell you the truth, our petty nonsense arguments lead to the point that I felt that he doesn't love me anymore, I felt I was unappreciated, I felt that I was the only one loving and trying to make our relationship work . At first EVERYTHING was bearable I know this is normal in every relationship but not until he made me very disappointed and everything I felt became worst. The feeling that he does not love me anymore was unbearable in my mind and in my heart. Those times, I soothed comfort from my best friend, Lloyd. I always turned to him every time my life goes wrong. He was always there every time I am at my worst.

It was Christmas season, What do you expect? Giving and receiving gifts are the most common things. As a girlfriend, You expect the most gift from your only love, your boyfriend. It was our Batch Party and Everyone was giving gifts to one another, I received no gift from him. Before the Batch Party, I asked him my gift whereabouts His answer made me VERY DISAPPOINTED.
" Hindi ako nakabili eh, Wala kasi ako maisip. Sorry. " Bang! The moment he said that I felt anxiety inside me. The feeling of sadness and disappointment was in me and the feeling that he doesnt love me anymore was the only thought in my mind. Alam ko nawalan siya ng time, He was busy in his badminton sessions. Hindi niya naman kailangan mag sinungaling, kung sinabi niya naman yung totoo, maiintindihan ko naman eh. I thought at first that maybe he has something better or something more romantic or somewhat like a big or small surprise. I anticipated and I was hurt for some reasons. I was wrong. Imagine. He was the only one who knew me very well. He was the only one who knows what I want and what I need. He knows every single details about me and just giving a single gift he cant even think of anything? but he did gave me a gift on Christmas day,It was so sweet of him to dropby our house with his dad just to give me the gift. I was touched by what he did but I think it is because I demanded him or I pressured him to give me a gift. Frankly, I will and I can understand it if his reasons was financial but it wasn't that way so I was convinced that he has no efforts in our relationship anymore and that he doesn't love me anymore. That feelings made me stepped away from him. I felt UNAPPRECIATED. Ang babaw diba? pero ang laki ng nawala. Something was missing, really missing. May kulang.Alam niya na nagkukulang siya. Alam niya na nahihirapan na ako. I talked to my best friend to ease things out. I soothed comfort again but this time it turned to confession.


REWIND.
Early November, A friend very close to me, Charles and Lloyd approached me and talked to me about her perspectives in Lloyd's real feelings towards me. I am not going into details but to sum things up she told me that she feels that my best friend likes or loves me not only as a best friend. " Feeling ko, Mahal ka ni Lloyd. " I was really shocked when she told me about it. My best friend loving me had never crossed my mind but Before she told me about this I actually noticed that there is something about the way he looks at me and his spontaneous text messages and his actions and his words. I convinced myself so hard that it was nothing. I did not assumed but as days went by all I ever think about was him. Him and his real feelings towards me. I just cant stop myself. Do I need to say Sorry?
Since that disappointment happened I admit that my love for Charles subsided even since we were always arguing about petty nonsense things. He knows that my love for him was subsiding. I lost interest in loving him more. I barely gave up. I told him everything. I was honest. I was always honest. I never lied about how I feel. He did changed it was good for him to change but It wasn't enough for me. He wasnt like that before. I have many demands but supplies were scarce. I fed up. but I tried reviving everything. I tried reviving my love for him but he wasn't helping me. In fact he made everything worst. I felt hopeless. My love subsided maybe because of his fault and my own fault. His fault because of his Stolid attitude and my fault because I did not understand him or maybe I forgot to understand him or maybe I got sick and tired of understanding him. Which is Which?

Rewind.
Since the day my friend told me that my best friend loves me. I was always curious. I always think about him and his real feelings, It never really went out my mind. Its what I think about constantly then later on my feelings started to change, later on I found myself thinking of him all the time. It was hard to admit at first but I just cant escape from it. I cant help it. It was hurtful to admit that It was Lloyd who I think about constantly and not Charles anymore. I know It was wrong. Everything was wrong but it felt so right. I tried stopping myself, I tried controlling everything but I simply failed. One night of December 2008, I confronted Lloyd. I asked him straight, I asked him if he loves me more than a best friend and his answer strucked me, He loves me so much more than a best friend. He loves me, For Real.
Charles and I talked and tried to fix things. I told him about how I feel every time we argue over nonsense\petty things. I told him that he is changing and that he isnt the same man I loved before. I told him my love for him was subsiding. I was honest. I told him I fed up and I wanted to give up. He said sorry and that he is willing to change. He wants and He will make our relationship work again. He made me believe again. He made me fall all over again. I expected again from him. For that moment I tried to forget about my other feelings. I fooled myself into thinking that EVERYTHING will be back to normal again. I fooled myself into thinking that EVERYTHING will be alright again. I fooled myself that I am not falling apart and I am not falling for my best friend. I tried to focus on Charles but the feeling of anxiety still remains inside me. Tanga na kung Tanga. I guess I have to hurt myself emotionally just to be HAPPY, Real happy. I love Charles so much but his actions are making me fall apart. I tried to hold on. We were okay the next few days after our talk but not until before the year ends. We broke up unofficially in new year's day JUST because he got jealous of a guy who liked me before. I wont go into details anymore. Take note, Liked me not likes me. Past tense. "Naiirita na ako sayo, hiwalayan mo na ako." sabi niya. ang babaw noh? then My feelings for him subsided. My best friend talked to me after our unofficial break up.

Rewind.
Since the day I confronted Lloyd. We were constantly talking to each other. He made me happy all the time. He made me laughed when I do not even want to smile. I was happy with him. I am always happy with him. He filled in the spaces that Charles couldn't fill. I guess that was my biggest mistake. Still close to him even though I know I am falling for him and letting him love me. What can I do? The more I fool myself, The more I want him. I feel happy with him. He's my best friend. My only best friend. I was scared to lose him. I was very scared to lose him and very scared to hurt him. Charles and Lloyd are the two most important men in my life and I just cant afford to lose them or even one of them. I do not want to hurt the both of them. I didn't know what to do. I became selfish and I did not think about how they feel and how they will feel.

Charles and I were back together the next day and that is because of my best friend, He talked to me and convinced me to give Charles another chance, He stopped me from giving up on Charles, He convinced me to love Charles again but As days went by I became cold and cruel to Charles. I changed this time, Ako naman ang nagbago. January 2009, We started arguing about petty and nonsense things all over again. I treated him badly. I became a bad girlfriend. Naguguluhan ako nung time na yun. Gulong Gulo ang isipan ko. I didn't know what to do or what I should do. I know I have to choose but I just cant choose because its a choice between the two most important men in my life or I'd rather say because I already love my best friend for real. I never wanted to lie to Charles. I never lied to Charles. So I told him everything. I told him everything that happened. as in everything. I told him about my feelings. I told him that I think I love my best friend for real but unsure about how I feel.


and again:

This is only about what really happened on the three of us. What is currently happening to us , What is our families views, our friends reactions, the answer if Lloyd's love is real and the way I feel about everything is for my next entry.


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Ella. εїз 17. Independent. Virgo. Eldest. Taken. Escolarian. Optimistic. Sweet. Frank. Vain. Spoiled. Opinionated. Confident. Loud. Moody. Outgoing. Girly. Elegant. Mean.


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